How Did They Pay for That?

Kids spend alot of time online.  Among the various activities they do, some like to buy, buy, buy!  How exactly are your teens paying for their online purchases?  Have you ever wondered?  

Perhaps they asked and received permission from you to use one of your credit cards. As long as the arrangement was made and permission granted - no problem.  But what about those kids who aren't as honest and know that you're not so meticulous with your records?  Are they using your credit card without your permission?  Avoid this situation by periodically checking online purchases on your credit card statements.  

Some adults like to setup a Paypal, Google Checkout, Amazon.com or some other online vendor account and have their credit card information saved.  If this is your situation and you don't keep your login and passwords secret OR you log on automatically, then your kids could be using your saved credit card numbers to make purchases.

Of course not all kids are dishonest, or even realize what they are doing.  They click, buy, checkout and poof - a UPS or FedEx truck arrives with their new purchases.  Amazing!

If you want to allow your kids to buy online, but control their spending, there are several options.  You can, for a small fee, purchase a prepaid credit card that they can use for purchases.  You can buy gift cards for a variety of online stores. 

What we need to realize is that as with everything else these kids do, the computer is central to their operations, shopping is no exception.  Browsing and shopping on the Internet allows our kids to compare prices, read product reviews and become educated consumers.  Let's help them realize that there needs to be real green cash to backup all their purchases.

Are you on Facebook Yet?

So the last thing your kids want is for you to get a Facebook account. Actually, the 'crush' you had in junior high is probably dreading it more. But it is time to join your older teens in this not-so-new social network.

First of all let me explain that Facebook is a Social Networking site. Users can join one or more participating networks, like their geographical region, school, social group, house of worship or place of employment.

Once you join a network, you can then begin searching and connecting to friends who are also part of the network. After you've made these connections, you now have Facebook Friends.

You can find your 'real life' friends by using the Friend Finder tool. This will scan your current contact list of email addresses and let you know who has a profile on Facebook. You can also use the search tool to find co-workers, classmates or anyone you have been looking for.

Once you start building up your friend list, you will want to tell them what is going on in your life. This is when you begin populating your Profile. Some users put lots of detailed information and pictures online. Since you control who you want to see your information (by selecting friends) you have some sense of privacy. But as I tell all the kids I meet, you can never guarantee that one of your BFFs (Best Friends Forever) won't forward your information to someone else or post it elsewhere.

Rule of thumb...if you don't want to see it flashed across the morning paper, then DON'T put it online in ANY FORM!

You can really get carried away, or you might sign up and never look at it again. The reality is, adults don't use their computers the same way kids do and socializing ALL DAY online might not sound like something you can imagine yourself doing. Consider yourself old if that is how you feel.

So, why would I recommend it? I want you to experience, even for a short time, what your kids are doing; and UNDERSTAND why they might want to do this. If you're lucky, your kids might even let you become their Facebook Friend...but don't count on it!

What are they doing for 2, 3, 4 and 5+ Hours Online??

When I first started asking kids how many hours they spent on their computer in a typical day, I was shocked by the amount of time they sat in front of a keyboard. Some kids are on as little as 15 minutes a day, while others turn on their computer as they walk in the door from school and don't turn it off until they get into bed at night. But unlike most professional adults who spend countless hours 'working' at their computer, our kids primarily use it as a social tool.

Using tools like Instant Message, Facebook, MySpace, Email, Twitter, Blogger, YouTube and others, they are just socializing with friends. OK, some have THOUSANDS of 'friends', but you get the point.

I'm a little envious that this generation doesn't have to fight with their sibblings for time on the house phone or get the riot act from their dad who was trying to get through for 2 hours before it finally rang. Is it very different from spending hours on the phone while doing your homework verses spending hours with your computer chiming everytime a friend has a quick comment or picture they want you to see. Is this really so bad for our kids?

Some parents ask me how long do I recommend kids spend online. I don't think I have a good answer for them. Personally, I think I spend too much time online, but what would I be doing with my time otherwise? That is the key question. Are they doing other things - doing their homework, playing sports, riding a bike, volunteering in the community, joining youth groups, working part-time, spending face to face time with friends and family? If the answer is not balanced, then the problem is not technology, but rather the values they are developing. Parents can put time limits on computer use, as you can put time limits on the TV, phone conversations, texting, hanging out with friends and working after school.

Don 't be intimidated by the technology, what you are really trying to deal with is integrating this new social medium into your family's life. Reach out to other parents for support and hopefully we will all reach a balance we can live with.

How much time online is too much time? Your opinion is helpful.

Two Screen Names Please

In their endless quest to conform and still be individuals, our kids sometimes dispel all good judgement in the public sphere. I will cover MANY topics over the next few weeks concerning the private information our kids are giving away publicly. Today I want to focus on appropriate Screen Names.

I believe that all kids should have at least TWO screen names. The first one might include their initials and last name, similar in format to most adults. This screen name should be reserved for use when dealing in the professional online realm. The second one should include NO PERSONALLY IDENTIFYING INFORMATION and should be used for ALL social interactions online.

Your children will be communicating with adults online. They will email teachers, employers, university counselors and other professional people online. We want them to learn that communicating with the adult world requires a level of decorum that is far beyond their online social interactions with their friends. Using proper English with punctuation, at least for the moment, is still appreciated by most adults. They don't want a request for an internship coming from a user named cutiesmurfette.

On the other hand, the last thing we want our kids to do is wander into an online game or chatroom announcing their identity to scores of strangers just by their screen name.

In a future blog we will talk about the direct information our kids are giving away indirectly through their online conversations.

For now, take a look at your child's screen name and evaluate it for the following:

1. Is any part of their name in it?
2. Does it mention their school or team name?
3. Is any part of their age in it?
4. Does it mention a year, like birth year or graduation year?
5. Is it suggestive in any way?
6. Does it imply that they are a child?
7. Is their cell phone number in it?
8. Can you determine their gender?

It isn't the end of the world to change your child's screen name, it would be much more traumatic for you as an adult to change your email address and notify everyone you know. Our kids communicate in lightning speed with each other, I bet within 24 hours, your child's friends will have forgotten the old screen name and moved on to the new...so no need to panic about change.

Are Your Teens Sexting? Dirty Texts and No Fax Payday Loans

I found this fascinating quote today:

Instead of passing notes like when you were in school, kids these days send text messages. Unlike the notes of your childhood, which were mostly harmless, the text messages kids are sending each other are extremely explicit. The newest teenage technology trend is sex texting, better known as “sexting.” Teens are sending sexually explicit messages to each other. With the camera capabilities now built-in to most cell phones, adolescents across the country are also sending nude photos of themselves to their peers.Are Your Teens Sexting? Dirty Texts and No Fax Payday Loans, Dec 2008

You should read the whole article.

They are Listening

One technique I use when I first meet with a group is to leave a card at each person's seat to be filled out. There are two types of cards:

The first is for parents and I ask for their Name, Address, Email, Phone, How many computers they own, Ages of their Children, Do they have rules about computing in their homes, etc.

The second is for students and I ask for their Name, Address, Email, Phone, Parents' Names, How many computers they have, Do their parents have rules about compuring in their homes, etc.

Note that these cards have NO identifying information on them, who is asking for the info, how will it be used, etc.

Inevitably an audience of adults will complete the form and willingly pass them up to me. Perhaps 1 or 2 people refuse, usually out of laziness or lack of writing implement.

But our kids, let me tell you - they are the skeptics. They grumble as I ask them to complete the forms, comments like the following are heard:

"Do we HAVE to fill this out?"
"This is too personal."
"I'm going to use a fake name, is that ok???"

Moms and Dads, the message is getting through to our kids that their private information should remain private...what happened to us? Why do we still willingly give over information as adults without any thought? Aren't we at a higher risk for identity theft?

Let's give this one to the kids, perhaps we can learn something from them.

The Start of Something Good

As much time as I spend speaking to parents, teachers and kids about their online lives, I find that I can't always get everything out there that I want to say. So with this blog, I will try to say it all!

Although I've warned about teen blogging to the unsuspecting audiences filled with their parents, I find there is value in writing down what we know. For one thing, as I age, I am sure I will forget much of what I once knew...so, this will be my reminder, that I once knew something and wanted to share it with you, my new reader.

My goal with this blog, is to attract both parents and kids to have open and honest discussions about online habits. Kids - I am going to warn your parents when I think they need to understand something about technology that you are doing. But I am also going to trust that you will always use your best judgement (with some guidance) along the way.

Some of the posts here might draw serious critism from parents one day and their kids the next. I encourage open discussion at every turn, but NO FLAMING.

Welcome, I hope you enjoy your stay for a long time!

Debbie